Sexual abuse, Male survivor, recovery, Child Sexual Abuse Survivor

Grief the other side of love

My mother died in early 2018, and since then I have been trying to understand grief. Grief is a complex emotion that all of us have or will experience at some point in our lives. It is a response to profound loss, and it can manifest itself in many ways. It is often associated with sadness, but it can also include feelings of anger, guilt, fear, and despair. I know I felt all these feelings after my mother’s death. But one thing that I have learned in grieving is that grief is always intertwined with love.

Love and grief are two sides of the same coin. When we love someone deeply, the thought of losing them can be overwhelming. We invest our hearts and souls in our relationships, and when that bond is broken, we can feel like a part of us is missing. We grieve because we loved, and we love because we grieve.

The process of grieving is unique to each individual. So if you are supporting someone who is grieving, saying “I understand” may not be the best choice of words. Some people may experience intense emotions and require support to cope, while others may process their grief internally and privately. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and it is important to give ourselves permission to feel our emotions fully.

However, as we navigate through the pain of loss, it is important to remember that love is an enduring force that transcends physical existence. Our loved ones may no longer be with us in the physical sense, but their presence can still be felt through our memories and the impact they had on our lives. Grief is a reminder of that love. Which one of us would give up loving a father, brother, sister, spouse, friend, or mother just to not carry grief?  I don’t believe anyone of us would. So we accept that grief is the price for love. 

It is through grief that we learn to appreciate the value of our relationships and the impact that our loved ones had on us. We may not be able to change the past, but we can honor their memory by cherishing the moments we shared and living our lives in a way that honors their legacy. 

In understanding grief and love, we can find solace in knowing that our loved ones will always be with us in some way. They live on through our memories, the values they instilled in us, and the love they shared with us. As we navigate through the painful process of grief, it is important to remember that we are never truly alone. 

So it seems while grief is painful, it provides us with a gift. It is a reminder that we know how to love and, maybe more importantly, that we were loved. I can still feel my mother’s love for me. I feel it every day. After, my mother’s death I believed grief was punishment. The world’s way of throwing in my face the treasure that I had lost. But now, I have gratitude for that grief and want to keep carrying it with me for the rest of my life. Because now I understand that if my grief is the price I paid for having the love of my mother, I received the better deal.    

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